Swimming today

the Australian theme

In the UK I met a group of yanks studying journalism and international relations who didn't know if Croatia was a country or a city or if Slovakia was a real place, and they thought Australia was ABOVE Canada. I KID YOU NOT!

The following is from a thread called "Learn yerself Strine (Teach yourself Australian)"

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor. Enjoy!

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh,forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in KingsCross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Crazy!

A FUN GAME: No, it's not setting baijiu on fire (your comrade once burned half his beard off with that trick)... when entertaining guests, be sure to pour glass after glass of baijiu for them and insist that they drink it all or you'll be insulted. When they ask you to drink, say wo buhui (I can't drink), and pour yourself a glass of tea. Don't let them leave until they are falling-down drunk. This game is called ba mouren guan zuile (getting someone drunk), and is a 5,000 year-old tradition in China.

(From Beijing Scene.)

Pa's ...plus me and Dad

Patty's Day Limerick

St Patrick's Day Special
Recently, on the 4EB Irish program the dj announced "now for some news in limerick". I waited, keenly anticipating serious Irish news in whimsical limerick poetic form. Sadly, it was merely the news in Limerick, the Irish town.

So, I made my own limericked news.

Queensland News in Limerick
There's a crisis in Queensland named Water
Because pollies don't do what they oughta.
So we'll be high and dry,
Although more dry than high
Because that's only legal in Canberra.

And a limerick I wrote about an annoying year 8 classmate, 10 years ago:

Doughy Hoey
There was a young man named Josh Hoey.
He was quite exceptionally doughy.
He annoyed me in choir,
So I set him on fire
And that taught that young man named Josh Hoey.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

just pictures

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Big Ted is as old as me

Big Ted is as old as me.
A lady in my church knitted him
before I was born.

Little Ted is as old as me,

but he is more responsible.

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Travel vids

Just a bunch of my travel vids.

Breakfast in Fribourg, Switzerland.


A street in Ancona, Italy.


Nice Italian music. Nice sunshine. Nice times.